Years ago, when I was a new mom, I attended a class during a women’s night. The presenter talked about the importance of putting your shoes and socks on first thing when you wake up in the morning; and putting on make up and doing your hair. As I listened I remember taking note that I’d have to try better at that (all the while my subconscious was thinking, “Are you freaking kidding me? That’s never going to happen! I can barely drag myself out of bed to kiss my husband goodbye before he leaves for work, praying that the baby will keep sleeping!”)
I will forever be grateful for my friend who sat next to me. She was a seasoned mother of six children, whom I admired and looked up to. She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I never do that. It just matters what works for you.”
And she was right. I had gone to that women's night hoping to come away with a magic spell for curing my boredom. I was a young, inexperienced mom, struggling with the mundane tasks of diaper changes, cleaning up messes and feeling oh so lonely. I had recently finished my student teaching, which I loved so much, and I missed interactions with other adults and even kids who could talk in full sentences. I was beginning to wonder if maybe it would be better for me to get a job teaching school instead of staying home. But every time I logged onto the internet to search for job openings, I got partial paralysis in my right hand. I knew I was meant to be home. I just desperately wanted something to take away the loneliness I felt day in and day out.
But just because waking up early and putting on her shoes worked for one Mom, doesn’t mean it was a cure all to work for all of us. In fact, as I sat plotting to do better that night of the women's conference, I had completely discounted the fact that I don’t even like to wear shoes! I prefer to be barefoot!
What that night did do for me was open my eyes to the idea that I can do something about my situation. I don’t have to just sit here and accept the fact that motherhood is lonely, depressing and boring. I started a new dialogue in my head, “I am a college graduate. I am a smart, strong woman. I love my babies; I want to be home with them. And I also deserve to be happy.”
So, I made a list of ideas. I started making a menu of new foods to try. I started a blog and began writing again. I started asking women that I knew and looked up to what they did in order to “get through the day.” I started organizing learning projects for my kids, and activities with other Moms. And what I found was that when you have purpose in your life, it becomes much more than just surviving. I found that I love teaching my own children! I found that it’s a blast playing with slime with little boys- giggling and laughing right along with them. I found that I love rocking my baby while I feed him, with no pressure to do anything else but enjoy it. I found myself.
Great chapter. Glad that Sister said she didn't do that. Big guilt trip avoided there. Love the Mom job. Best way to do it.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm having fun with it!
DeleteThat is fantastic you are writing a book. I better get my signed copy from the author. 😉 I like your snippet, and don't have any negative feedback. I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteOh girl! You'll be the first one to get a signed copy! And you'll be my best editor- but you have to give some critical feedback sometimes...
DeleteOooo, I love it! I'd just make sure you start with an intro that talks about how all kinds of moms do things differently (which is kind of what you did with SAHM, but maybe include some school-going and working moms in there too.)
ReplyDeleteI can hardly wait to read more!
Thank you!! I can tell you're going to be a valuable resource! I'm going to email you the whole chapter, because I did start it a little different. (This is only a portion). You'll be one of my editors, yeah? 😬
DeleteABSOLUTELY! I'd love to do that!
DeleteI just read a free ebook last night that had over 20 misspellings that sometimes made the story confusing. (Also, how do you misspell Maui and it not show?!) Sometimes books just need one more go through to be great!
I remember that night. I have thought about it often. Part of me wishes I had listened more and found what I could use. Mostly I was turned off by the shoe thing, then her comments to you as what I considered a know it all on how to manage your husbands school papers, as if he was a slob when she didn't even know you or him. I think you are a wonderful Mother and wife and friend and example and I would totally take classes from you or read your book or buy it for my daughters to read. If that is a taste of your book, I will anxiously await more.
DeleteI love that you start with a basically you do you, play to your strengths, as a first hint of advice, that sets the mood for the rest of a book so that others can read it, laugh, cry, whatever, and apply or adapt what might help them, but within their world and strengths.
I can't believe your remember that night too! I've also thought about it often. Your words were so powerful to me! You were basically who taught me the "you do you" approach! I don't remember the part about my husbands' papers though... interesting! And thanks for the encouraging words! I've been having a lot of fun so far. I hope to keep at it!
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