Happy Homes do exist!

I started this morning on Instagram sharing my feelings about this meme which I've seen shared quite a lot on Facebook lately.  My insights consisted of blaming moms for saying yes too much. For signing our kids up. For not asking for help. My line of thinking was that if we're drowning, why don't we just get out of the pool? (I didn't use that analogy actually, but now that I type it I realize how silly it sounds!)  I stand by that, for some moms.  But I was pleasantly proved wrong by a few friends who were willing to share their own experience and point of view.  One friend sent me a message about how it's usually the emotional aspects of motherhood that really ware us down and make us tired. And those are usually things we can't just say no to, or ask for help with.  Another friend commented and told her story about being the mom of a boy with disabilities (the cutest little guy!). Her words were powerful.  She wrote about how tiring it can b...

This is a picture of my daughter Anna, age 3, barefoot. She and my older daughter (7- also barefoot) and I walked around the lake yesterday. There were some REALLY tough spots. I'm talking trees to climb over; slippery slopes, etc.  It was an exercise in building resilience and confidence. Each time we faced a fork in the trail, I let them choose which way we should go. Each time we passed an obstacle I raved about how hard that was, and "we totally did it!"  I gave them the choice to turn around and go back the easy way. Almost to the end, Anna caught a ride across the lake on a kayak with big brother. Rebekah and I made it the whole way!  I hope they remember how empowered they felt. I hope they recognize and internalize that they can do hard things. I hope they see me as a cheerleader and coach.  I was talking with my friend at the lake yeah, while the kids were off kayaking, fishing and enjoying themselves. She mentioned how they were so independent....

 School started this week. Five of my kids, and my husband went back to school. Regular, catch the bus, all day long, all week long school. Yes, they have to wear masks, and yes there are some changes. But for me, the mom who stays home with the little kids, it's back to life as we knew it before.  Before the pandemic cancelled everything. Remember that? I was blogging a lot during those days- mostly to clear my own mind. Now looking back (and I knew this might happen) I'm a little sad it's over. It's kind of exciting to live out a big moment in history. It was kind of fun to have everybody home with no option of anywhere to be or anything to do.  If you know me, you know that's kind of my jam anyway.  But I'll be honest with you- I've been waiting for this day. It's overwhelming to have nine people all together for a long period of time. We had a lot of fun, and a mostly normal summer. In fact, I can't really think of much that the pandemic impacted...

I'm sitting by Reagan's crib, holding her hand as she falls asleep. It's nearly 10:00 pm, but she had a late nap. And she climbs out of her crib, so I'm opting for this solution tonight.  I hate pigs. I already did, but I do even more after tonight.  The county fair starts this weekend, and they needed to have a vet bill of health before they could enter the fairgrounds. (Christopher and Derek are raising 4-H hogs). So, they needed loaded into a trailer to go visit the vet for a few minutes.  I went out to take pictures. They'd already been trying for a while, and I'd fed the little kids and hid inside as long as I dared.  I didn't get a single picture and ended up jumping in to help.  These pigs are big. And stinky. And gross. AND dumb.  It took FOREVER to get them in- plus help from friends who already had their pigs in a trailer. (I kid you not, after two hours of squealing, fighting and snarling George literally walked up the ramp, into thei...

This is the big presentation I've been working on for my intimate relationships course. It focuses on emotional intimacy, and I share a lot of cool research and advice. Watch the vide if you'd like! Also, I typed up my Top Five tips separately, so here you go! 1.      1.  Communicate! Take a course on communication if you want. Read a book if you want- but it will make a great deal of difference if you know how to successfully communicate with your spouse. Talk about everything! Small topics such as new trends, social media, homework, housework, chores, and the news. Big topics such as finances, feelings, plans and hopes. Talk about your day at work, his day at work and the kids’ days at work. Don’t wait until you have alone time to talk- kids need to see you talking too! Talk at dinner, talk through text or email, talk at bedtime. This is an important one if the physical side of your intimacy is suffering as well- talk about your desires, fears and worries when i...

You know how sometimes you have a perfect vision of how something is going to work out? And then it doesn't end up looking exactly what you pictured? If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.  Dieter Uchtdorf referenced this in a talk  in 2018- he said, "There is a word in German, Weltschmerz. Loosely defined, it means a sadness that comes from brooding about how the world is inferior to how we think it ought to be."  Ever since I heard it, I've been obsessed with this concept- and how to stop it in my own life!  Before I go on, let me clarify- I am all for holding high expectations for yourself, your kids, your family and your life! I believe that the more we expect, the more we (and our kids) can rise to the occasion. When I talk about "expectations" here, I am referring more to our picture of what we thought things might be. You know- that picture of perfect children with clean matching clothes, perfect hair and a clean house- before you had ...