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Raising independent kids


This is a picture of my daughter Anna, age 3, barefoot. She and my older daughter (7- also barefoot) and I walked around the lake yesterday. There were some REALLY tough spots. I'm talking trees to climb over; slippery slopes, etc. 

It was an exercise in building resilience and confidence. Each time we faced a fork in the trail, I let them choose which way we should go. Each time we passed an obstacle I raved about how hard that was, and "we totally did it!" 

I gave them the choice to turn around and go back the easy way. Almost to the end, Anna caught a ride across the lake on a kayak with big brother. Rebekah and I made it the whole way! 

I hope they remember how empowered they felt. I hope they recognize and internalize that they can do hard things. I hope they see me as a cheerleader and coach. 

I was talking with my friend at the lake yeah, while the kids were off kayaking, fishing and enjoying themselves. She mentioned how they were so independent. 

It made me ponder a bit if they would be, if we didn't live where we live... 

When we lived in Idaho Falls, I let them play in the backyard alone. But I was more worried about the busy road nearby; about people I didn't know (and some that I did). I wonder if I would've been too protective to let them get to where they are now...

And I wonder if that's why so many "adults" still live with their parents? 

I read something today that said our kids only live in "our" house for 20% of their lives. It's our job to raise them to be ready for the other 80%! 

It doesn't happen all at once. I didn't just let my 5-year-old take the kayak out as his first act of independence. And I don't send him out there unprepared for the dangers he may face- he's wearing a life jacket, knows what to do if something happens, and has older siblings to help if he needs it. 

It comes in small steps- letting them choose what type of sandwich they want for lunch. Then, letting them make their own sandwich for lunch. Or, when they're ready, letting them make mac n cheese because they'd rather have that! 

And trust me, they're ready a lot sooner than some of us might think! 

As much as I love my babies, I recognize that I need to help them (more like allow them) to grow, and become their own person. 

And really, the more I've thought about it, the more I want to give myself more credit. I don't think I would've been too overprotective raising them in a bigger town. After all, there are dangers here too. Some are different. Some the same. But we've still managed (so far) to give them a bit of space to become who they need to be. 

We've still got a ways to go. But I think we're off to a good start. 


What is something you like to let your kids do on their own?

Comments

  1. MarySeptember 10, 2020 at 7:15 AM

    Cooking their Favorite foods was always a fun thing. Chores teach responsibility. Glad they are able to do hard things and make right choices. Grandma Crowther

    ReplyDelete

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