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Maintaining intimacy in marriage (after kids)

This is the big presentation I've been working on for my intimate relationships course. It focuses on emotional intimacy, and I share a lot of cool research and advice. Watch the vide if you'd like!



Also, I typed up my Top Five tips separately, so here you go!

1.      1.  Communicate! Take a course on communication if you want. Read a book if you want- but it will make a great deal of difference if you know how to successfully communicate with your spouse. Talk about everything! Small topics such as new trends, social media, homework, housework, chores, and the news. Big topics such as finances, feelings, plans and hopes. Talk about your day at work, his day at work and the kids’ days at work. Don’t wait until you have alone time to talk- kids need to see you talking too! Talk at dinner, talk through text or email, talk at bedtime. This is an important one if the physical side of your intimacy is suffering as well- talk about your desires, fears and worries when it comes to love-making. It’s not awkard! You’re married!

2.      2.  Do something new and exciting together! Self-expansion, or doing something new and challenging together can help you remember why you fell in love in the first place. It can bring back the old spark of excitement into an otherwise routine and possibly mundane relationship.

3.       3. Be creative. There are always conflicts along the path of life- maybe you’re unable to go out to eat because you can’t afford a babysitter, or even dinner at the restaurant. Trade babysitting with some friends, and pack a picnic! Maybe you have a child with disabilities that can’t easily be left with others? Schedule an at-home date night and play the original Nintendo together (my game of choice is Mario Kart!) It doesn’t matter what you do, just make time to be together!

4.       4. Allow for individuality- communicating wants and needs of course as you do. If a husband loved playing basketball with friends before you had babies, when the time is right and it works for both of you- of course he should go play basketball with his friends again! Just because you have kids doesn’t mean everything you were or enjoyed before changes. If a wife wants to continue her education to prepare for a career change- she should. Again don’t forget to communicate about everything. Is there enough money for tuition? What will it look like for our younger children while you’re attending class? Is the husband going to step up more and cook dinner or do bedtime more often? Children are not a death sentence for your individuality!

5.    5.    Plan ahead! This applies to couples who don’t have children yet, to parents of newborns, parents of adults and every age in between. Now that you’ve been told life will have twists and turns, make a plan for how you’re going to handle them- together. If you’re lucky enough to read this before you have babies- plan ahead for how you’re going to navigate the transition. If you are in the middle of raising middle schoolers, preschoolers and toddlers- plan ahead for how you’re going to spend time together. Make a plan for buying a home or building a house together. Make a plan for how you’ll respond when challenges arise. If you’re raising teenagers or adults- plan ahead for couples retreats together, or holidays with family. Don’t just sit back and let life happen- anticipate the challenges and plan for them- together!

 


Comments

  1. Mellissa July 24, 2020 at 9:08 AM

    I love this! I read your top five and I am so glad you shared.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tina CrowtherJuly 24, 2020 at 10:00 AM

      :) Thanks. It was fun to learn a lot about it.

      Delete

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