For parents, during quarantine

I pulled myself together enough this morning to let my kids dye some Easter eggs. 

Don't worry. This blog post isn't about ideas for activities or things to do with your kids during quarantine. 

Nor is it about enjoying this time we have at home with our families (though I don't disagree with that sentiment). 

This post is to tell you that you are not alone. 

I saw something on Instagram a bit ago that talked about the storm. For some people, this whole thing is just a sprinkling. For others, it's more of a storm. And for others still, it's a freaking hurricane. The idea was that we can still enjoy our sprinkling, while not downplaying the devastating effects of the hurricane in other's lives. 

At my house, it's a sprinkling. With a bit of thunder and lightening. And some wind. 

I've mentioned before- that we're okay. We're safe at home, we have an income. We have food, toilet paper and the internet. 

But, let me tell you- as much as I enjoy playing in the rain, this little sprinkling is getting to me. You see at our house, there's still snow- and so it's a little cold to actually play in this storm. (Keeping with the metaphor here...) And even when the snow melts and the sun shines a bit, then we have mud (symbolic and literal). And seven kids. 

One of my friends, a mom of 2, who is absolutely amazing, really nailed it. She said, "This is exhausting. Good days. Bad days. The mental load. Missing our normal life. Slow time. Overwhelming time. My kids are learning a lot. And refusing a lot. Disappointments. Worries. Crankiness. Not knowing what we each need... We each take our turns with big emotions. And there is no escape. We just have to cope. And be patient. And flexible. It's been a hard few days."

To that I say, "Amen!" 

While some have suddenly found themselves with so much time to rest, reset, work on goals and enjoy hobbies, we parents have zero extra time. In fact, any time we did enjoy before this, is now taken up with doing more dishes, fending off kids who want another snack, bossing kids around more, and playing math games with our first graders because that's what their teacher assigned for school. 

Really, friends. The math game was the breaking point for me the other day. And I aspire to BE a first grade teacher one day. But, I have SEVEN kids. Not one. It is so hard for me to put on a happy face, sit with my little girl (who is a sweetheart and I adore her!), and play a game for her math lesson. 

I have seriously gone through so many emotions. Discouragement. A bit of excitement when it all started. Disbelief. Frustration. High expectations. Zero expectations. Anger. Loss. Overwhelm.

It's gotten so bad, I can't even bring myself to bake the cookies I've been CRAVING because it takes effort, and clean up. No way do I want to attempt it with the kids' "help." And once they're in bed I feel like curling up in a ball in fetal position to recover from the day. Really.

I've reach the point that I'm beginning to agree with people when they call me amazing for having so many kids, but deep down they are really thinking that I'm absolutely out of my mind. Because who, in their right mind, would ever have so many kids? (Maybe Brant secretly instituted this whole ordeal to prove to me that seven is enough?)

Elder Uchtdorf talks about something called "Welsmertz." It's a German word, which means melancholy when things don't turn out how we envision them to be. 

In this case, I haven't even had a chance to envision much. I'm too busy being bombarded by kids all. day. every. day. 

After a week off of any school expectations (spring break) followed by general conference I was feeling pretty pumped. I made a schedule (even though I hate them, and I knew it wasn't going to work out real well). And I had high hopes that I could harness my inner strength and make this work. 

It lasted a day. By the end of Monday I was so exhausted and overwhelmed, I was dreading Tuesday. And Tuesday turned into one of the worst days I've had this whole year. I was frustrated, grumpy, crying, overwhelmed and just plain sad. 

Luckily my mom and sisters sent me some great ideas to help me snap out of it. Brant knew that laughter would help. And the sun came out the next day. 

I'm counting it as a learning opportunity and moving on. 

I still like playing in the rain. But, I'm also coming to realize that sometimes it's better just to hunker down and stay inside. Sometimes, to stay safe, you have to wait out the storm.

And, if you did think this post would be about good ideas to do with your kids, I'd hate to disappoint you. So, here's one. 

Take the kids on a 3-mile-walk. In the rain. 

(Just kidding. Probably avoid long walks in the rain).