Happy Homes do exist!

Somehow I forgot I made this blog... can you believe it? I guess I got busy with my schooling, and life. I stopped posting on my extra instagram account that kind of went with this blog, because it's too hard to keep up appearances and stay involved in social media when one of my main goals is to not be on my phone or social media as much. Ha!  But, I thought I'd written some stuff throughout the pandemic, and when I went looking for that stuff on my other blog I couldn't find it. Enter this blog! So weird that I forgot about it. I guess it was my therapy during Covid! haha. Fall of 2020 I started going "full time" with my master's program, which was 6 credits instead of the usual 3 I'd been doing. It was much more busy, but so good.  And I'm done! I graduated in July! I have a Master's degree in Child and Family Studies! So cool. And yet... here I am. Being mom. I'm not complaining- I mean this IS what I want to do. But, somehow I guess I didn...

I started this morning on Instagram sharing my feelings about this meme which I've seen shared quite a lot on Facebook lately.  My insights consisted of blaming moms for saying yes too much. For signing our kids up. For not asking for help. My line of thinking was that if we're drowning, why don't we just get out of the pool? (I didn't use that analogy actually, but now that I type it I realize how silly it sounds!)  I stand by that, for some moms.  But I was pleasantly proved wrong by a few friends who were willing to share their own experience and point of view.  One friend sent me a message about how it's usually the emotional aspects of motherhood that really ware us down and make us tired. And those are usually things we can't just say no to, or ask for help with.  Another friend commented and told her story about being the mom of a boy with disabilities (the cutest little guy!). Her words were powerful.  She wrote about how tiring it can b...

This is a picture of my daughter Anna, age 3, barefoot. She and my older daughter (7- also barefoot) and I walked around the lake yesterday. There were some REALLY tough spots. I'm talking trees to climb over; slippery slopes, etc.  It was an exercise in building resilience and confidence. Each time we faced a fork in the trail, I let them choose which way we should go. Each time we passed an obstacle I raved about how hard that was, and "we totally did it!"  I gave them the choice to turn around and go back the easy way. Almost to the end, Anna caught a ride across the lake on a kayak with big brother. Rebekah and I made it the whole way!  I hope they remember how empowered they felt. I hope they recognize and internalize that they can do hard things. I hope they see me as a cheerleader and coach.  I was talking with my friend at the lake yeah, while the kids were off kayaking, fishing and enjoying themselves. She mentioned how they were so independent....

 School started this week. Five of my kids, and my husband went back to school. Regular, catch the bus, all day long, all week long school. Yes, they have to wear masks, and yes there are some changes. But for me, the mom who stays home with the little kids, it's back to life as we knew it before.  Before the pandemic cancelled everything. Remember that? I was blogging a lot during those days- mostly to clear my own mind. Now looking back (and I knew this might happen) I'm a little sad it's over. It's kind of exciting to live out a big moment in history. It was kind of fun to have everybody home with no option of anywhere to be or anything to do.  If you know me, you know that's kind of my jam anyway.  But I'll be honest with you- I've been waiting for this day. It's overwhelming to have nine people all together for a long period of time. We had a lot of fun, and a mostly normal summer. In fact, I can't really think of much that the pandemic impacted...

I'm sitting by Reagan's crib, holding her hand as she falls asleep. It's nearly 10:00 pm, but she had a late nap. And she climbs out of her crib, so I'm opting for this solution tonight.  I hate pigs. I already did, but I do even more after tonight.  The county fair starts this weekend, and they needed to have a vet bill of health before they could enter the fairgrounds. (Christopher and Derek are raising 4-H hogs). So, they needed loaded into a trailer to go visit the vet for a few minutes.  I went out to take pictures. They'd already been trying for a while, and I'd fed the little kids and hid inside as long as I dared.  I didn't get a single picture and ended up jumping in to help.  These pigs are big. And stinky. And gross. AND dumb.  It took FOREVER to get them in- plus help from friends who already had their pigs in a trailer. (I kid you not, after two hours of squealing, fighting and snarling George literally walked up the ramp, into thei...

This is the big presentation I've been working on for my intimate relationships course. It focuses on emotional intimacy, and I share a lot of cool research and advice. Watch the vide if you'd like! Also, I typed up my Top Five tips separately, so here you go! 1.      1.  Communicate! Take a course on communication if you want. Read a book if you want- but it will make a great deal of difference if you know how to successfully communicate with your spouse. Talk about everything! Small topics such as new trends, social media, homework, housework, chores, and the news. Big topics such as finances, feelings, plans and hopes. Talk about your day at work, his day at work and the kids’ days at work. Don’t wait until you have alone time to talk- kids need to see you talking too! Talk at dinner, talk through text or email, talk at bedtime. This is an important one if the physical side of your intimacy is suffering as well- talk about your desires, fears and worries when i...

You know how sometimes you have a perfect vision of how something is going to work out? And then it doesn't end up looking exactly what you pictured? If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.  Dieter Uchtdorf referenced this in a talk  in 2018- he said, "There is a word in German, Weltschmerz. Loosely defined, it means a sadness that comes from brooding about how the world is inferior to how we think it ought to be."  Ever since I heard it, I've been obsessed with this concept- and how to stop it in my own life!  Before I go on, let me clarify- I am all for holding high expectations for yourself, your kids, your family and your life! I believe that the more we expect, the more we (and our kids) can rise to the occasion. When I talk about "expectations" here, I am referring more to our picture of what we thought things might be. You know- that picture of perfect children with clean matching clothes, perfect hair and a clean house- before you had ...

Today is Father's Day. I enjoyed seeing so many posts and stories on Instagram dedicated to the great dads in this world.  It made me wonder why we don't do this more often!  I know I hit the jackpot with Brant. He's patient, understanding, and so very helpful. There is no way on earth that I could be the Mom I am without him by my side. And I do love to brag about him! And I know there are so many many great men out there who love their wives deeply. Men who change diapers, and swish underpants, and wipe snotty faces. Men who play basketball with their kids, men who take their daughters dancing or skiing. Men who call their mom every Sunday night to check in on how she's doing. Men who are dedicated to their faith, who pray and worship and teach. Men who spends countless hours shoveling snow for widows; teach their teenagers how to drive; talk and listen when their kids need them the most. Men who hold their temper, even when life isn't fair and they are treated po...

I've gotten really busy with my coursework this summer- it's an 8-week summer session, and my 3-credit course seems to have A LOT of reading expectations (and really long lectures). I'm enjoying the subject matter (intimate relationships) especially as I find research that supports my belief in the sanctity and importance of marriage.  My big presentation that I will create is on the topic of "Building and Maintaining marital intimacy after kids join the equation." So far I've looked through my google photos to find pictures of Brant and I- together without kids, together while I was pregnant, together with one baby, together with a million kids (aka right now). I figured that was easier than trying to find photos on the internet that were accessible to use in my slide presentation. This is the picture (above)  I'm using for the cover of the presentation: a real life, candid shot of how things really are when you have a new baby.  And this is one of my fav...

One of my favorite family priorities is to have dinner together. I was writing a chapter in my book about it, and then my laptop died. So I decided to write about it here. I've done a little digging into current research and the value of family dinner- and it's amazing! Teenagers who reported eating dinner with their family 3-5 times a week are A LOT less likely to experiment with drugs, alcohol, or sex.  There's a lot more neat research. But- for my family, the greatest benefit is the routine closure. We can have a crazy, fun, amazing day out playing on the lake... Or we can have a stressful, tiring, work-filled day at home together- but family dinner is our normal. We come together, eat food (sometimes good, sometimes iffy), and talk about our day.  We like to do what we call a "question of the day." Somebody new chooses the question each day, and it can be anything from, "What's your favorite dessert?" to "What would you do if thi...

Crash course on hashtag use: even if it might mean something good, people will be upset and it might mean something bad. 🤷 And if you choose not to use it, people will be upset. Oh, and you might get fired from your job. I want to write about the current events (riots, protests, hashtag shaming) that are happening in our country.  On one hand I'm so very grateful to live where I do. (This isn't the first time in the past few months that I've thought that!) Country town. Kind people. No major trouble. As far as you can see, the world is at peace. It's easier to forget about the chaos and danger and to enjoy my babies and the sunshine.  On the other hand, I'm distraught by what's happening. I'm happy that voices are being heard. I'm saddened that others are being silenced. Can't we all just be kind? #blackouttuesday is a hashtag I used on my Instagram feed (with a black screen), as a show of support for the voices of black people who need ...

You know what I'm talking about?  The first bit of summer is awesome. Staying home, sleeping in, chilling out. It's everything you want in summer.  And then after a while you start to feel just blah!?  That's usually when it's time for a summer vacation! Or at least a camping trip or visit to the local pool!  Well folks, we figured it out (Christopher and I). The last two months were a kind of summer break of sorts... And now we've hit the doldrums.  The problem is, it isn't even summer yet!  We're missing out on all the excitement of school getting out next week, because for reals it got out two months ago! It's no big deal now! And we're NOT leaving on a jet plane to Orlando, Florida like we were supposed to be! Instead we're hanging out at home. Doing chores. Feeding chickens and pigs. Trying to come up with stuff to do to fill our days. And we've already done it all.  Christopher is 12. He's been such a trooper through all...

This guy learned a little bit about dealing with grief and frustration today.  He's been begging for years to be able to raise a pig for 4-H. This year we finally let them.  This morning when he went out to feed them he found his had died. We don't know why. They said she had not been eating much yesterday, and she had some kind of sore on her leg. But, nothing conclusive.  He is a tough boy. I worried he might take it out on his siblings today, but he hasn't. They're discussing options for sharing fair money, but he doesn't like the idea too much. He said he wants either "his pig or no pig!" I feel bad for him. I really do, as much as I don't like the stinky pigs and don't like dealing with having animals. It's not fair that it had to be his that died, when both of his brothers didn't care about doing it quite as much.  I wonder if as parents we're doing it right. But I think we are. A hug. A gentle, "I'm sorry....

I'm writing a book.  This is one draft of one portion of one chapter.  I want your feedback.  Anybody who comments and tells me what they think can have a free, signed copy of the book once it's published. ;) ... .. . Years ago, when I was a new mom, I attended a class during a women’s night. The presenter talked about the importance of putting your shoes and socks on first thing when you wake up in the morning; and putting on make up and doing your hair. As I listened I remember taking note that I’d have to try better at that (all the while my subconscious was thinking, “Are you freaking kidding me? That’s never going to happen! I can barely drag myself out of bed to kiss my husband goodbye before he leaves for work, praying that the baby will keep sleeping!”) I will forever be grateful for my friend who sat next to me. She was a seasoned mother of six children, whom I admired and looked up to. She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I never do that. It just matter...

Disclaimer: I do NOT have freckles. But I love them. So this Instagram filter is fun. Also, I was hiding from my demanding life for a minute.   Aw, Mother's Day. The holiday of so many emotions.  Joy. Pain. Relief. Sadness. Stress. Peace.  Maybe one of the most common feelings around Mother's Day is that of inadequacy .  We have these little humans (those of us who have been blessed with them), who offer gifts and sing our praises. And all of the talk of motherly love, sacrifice and awesomeness reminds us that maybe we're not all we're talked up to be.  Maybe it's all a mirage. We're putting on a show.  Maybe amidst their celebration of our hard work, we recognize just how crappy of a job we're really doing.  But, let's stop. And give ourselves a fair chance. After all, we did create these little humans (with help from Dad, obviously), and we carried them inside us while they grew strong enough to live on their own.  I mean, just ...

An old picture book we have, called Make Way for Ducklings , tells the story of Mr. and Mrs. Mallard. They search and search for a place to build their nest. They finally agree on a place, lay their eggs, sit on the eggs and hatch a bunch of beautiful little Ducklings.  The title of the book comes when Mr. Mallard leaves the family and plans to meet them in the public garden (one of the places that wasn't quite right for building their nest) in one week. Mrs. Mallard teaches the children many things, and by the end of the week they are ready.  In order to get to the public garden, the trail of Ducklings following behind Mrs. Mallard have to cross two busy roads. A police officer (who remembered the ducks from before) stops traffic and allows them to cross safely.  My kids adore this book. I like it too.  As we stretched our legs after a little drive to Rexburg yesterday, I told my little "ducklings" to get in line and follow me.  We walked around the...

I'm going to take a break from social media. Again.  It's good for me. I really like the interaction, but it's not real interaction. And I overthink it. And I over use it.  When I comment on somebody's post I worry that maybe I said something that might offend someone else. Or maybe I came across too self-promoting. Or maybe I don't actually know what I'm talking about.  Let's just say I'm kind of glad social media didn't exist when I was a teenager... And I'm not usually an overthinker. If you've read my blog at all, you've probably read how much I wish I could limit the negative effects of the internet in my life.  And days like yesterday, spent in the great outdoors fishing with my family (nothing was caught!), remind me that my immediate interactions are the most important.  But, before I go, I wanted to share some bits and pieces of my recent Facebook interactions (that offer insight into my thoughts and feelings during t...

I did the dishes today. With my earbuds in. It was quite nice actually.  Kind of like a mini vacation.  The picture is from my Instagram stories. It says "more alone time" because I also went on a jog this morning. By myself! I had plenty of high quality kid time too: running from kid to kid helping set up the computers for school work; nagging at them to finish said school work; managing requests for- snacks, electronic playtime, and sleeping on the tramp. (Really guys, it's April! We still have snow!)  We also enjoyed a little outing (I called it an Earth Day field trip) to the river. We threw rocks in the mud, and yelled loudly into the wind.  Picking up Little Caesars pizza was a great finish to the day, because it meant I didn't have to cook and dirty up my clean kitchen (which I also did along with the dishes; wearing my earbuds; by myself!)  It's been a really good day.  Also, I will be watching Little Women tonight with my husband. It wa...

Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.  This was the central message for our family Luauu tonight. I had the lesson for family home evening, and decided we needed something fun.  It was pretty simple- a "Hawaiian style" meal, limbo, a hula hoop contest and game, and e watched some fire dancing on YouTube.  It doesn't take much though to make for a good time together.  My own personal lesson on what Ohana means came, after all the fun was over.  I am NOT a fan of bedtime. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE bedtime for the fact that the kids are now going to bed!) But it's a hard process when you have young children. Tonight, after all the festivities (and a long, fun day enjoying the newly returned sunshine!) Anna and Reagan were quite worn out. But of course, that makes for an even more difficult time calming down for bed! I usually read a story out of the Friend magazine, or sing a few songs. Tonight, I couldn't even ...

When I was young my mom gave me a ukulele for Christmas (or was it my birthday?) I loved it. It had a rainbow on it and said Hawaii (which was my dream vacation for so so so long!)  I finally made it to Hawaii this last summer, and my ukulele finally bit the dust after being abused by several children.  So I bought a new one when it was on sale on Amazon. It was fairly inexpensive and I took the risk. It's decent quality and certainly works well enough to fill some time during this Coronavirus quarantine.  I've enjoyed plucking at it and relearning a few chords in order to play a few songs.  I must've hit a new stage of this quarantine because last night I started thinking about some of my life goals and how I could (should) be using some of this time to get a little closer to them.  Don't get my wrong, I'm still pulling my hair out, crying every day, and barely surviving monitoring homeschool.  I read a blog written by a friend of mine who IS a...